There is a reason Baskin Robbins offers so many flavors

My niece, Kim, is expecting. Twins.

Things will subsequently end, we pray, in the birth of my parent's first and second great-grandchild. I was searching my computer for things I might have written on the subject of new life (to act as a springboard for writing the expectant parents) and in doing so came across the "Wedding Advice" I offered Kim and her new husband four years ago.

I worry somewhat that they'll feel slighted I've so casually offered the well-wishes (written exclusively for them) to the world, but I hope in doing so you will repay me with a quick prayer for their children to be brought into this delightfully delicate and dangerous world safely.

The wedding greetings read:

Congratulations, Kim and Lucas! At the risk of making the social blunder of suggesting that my life experiences established a right to offer you advice on how to stay in love forever – I would like to extend the following. I am confident that most of this will come to you as second nature… and with that confidence comes the humility that it’s possible I should seek advice from you. Still, tradition suggests that tonight I should be prepared to volunteer and you to listen, so here is my best at wise counsel:

Lucas, there is some truth to the notion that “If Mama ain’t happy, nobody is happy.” Kim -- be happy. Y Dance together. If you do not already know how to, practice at home Y If you live in the city, go to the country a few times a year. If you live in the country, go into the city. At least once a year, during these trips, find a place to walk barefoot. Y Hold hands. Often. Y I think God likes being God… all powerful, omniscient, the creator of every universe. Trust God in every thing. Occasionally, ask God to BE God… expect fantastic blessings. Y There is a reason Baskin Robbins offers so many flavors. Find out why. Y Lucas, escort (walk beside) Kim by staying closest to the street. It may seem outdated, but there are practical reasons for being a gentleman. In this position you are at the ready and able to easily hail a cab, to reach first and open Kim’s car door, to push a crosswalk button. More obvious, you can protect her from anything the traffic sends to the sidewalk. Also, in this way you never obstruct Kim’s view of any store front. Y Stop when she wants to window shop. Y Learn how to give a hand massage. Use that knowledge often. Y Get an Irish tape and learn a few songs by heart. When in Boston go to a “genuine” Irish pub that is showcasing a band on any day except St. Patrick’s. While you are there try an “original” draft beer. Send one to the oldest “true” Irishman there (you will know who this is because he will stand to the Irish Anthems and still cry during an Irish Ballad.) Sing. Y Own a rocking chair. Y Once in awhile, wherever you are, lay on your back. This may be at work, on a sidewalk, in your home, during a museum visit. This action reminds us that although fresh perspectives are always close by, they require the courage to change your position. Y Lucas, remember that life together is not a contest, it is not something you can “win” at and subsequently the Rules of Game do not apply. Kim, remember that sometimes men compete, try not to keep score. Y Have a budget, but allow yourselves the occasional luxury. Y Tithe. Y Pick a day, any day that is not already significant, and from this year forward call it “Husband Day.” Agree that only handmade cards can be exchanged. Celebrate accordingly. Do the same for “Wife Day” and later “Family Day.” Y Try ethnic restaurants and order the house specialty. Y Own furniture that allows you to sit together. Y Sit together. Y “If you cannot say something nice do not say anything at all” is useful but not universal. Sometimes marriage requires voicing the difficult. Do not bear out those moments in silence. Y Start individual collections, be it banks or bottletops or snow globes or salt and pepper shakers. Once or twice a year add to it. Buy the first piece of your collections together. Buy the second piece for each other. Buy the third piece for yourself. In later years it will make it easy for your children to shop for you and in much later years each piece will have unexpected, nostalgic value. Y Learn to windsurf. Y Buy a “Holy Spirit” coin or a rosary or some “pocket-sized” devotional item. Carry it with you often. Use it as a reminder to pray for a safe and blessed marriage. In the event you are robbed or are otherwise harmed, give it to your enemy with your complete blessings. You will know when this time is right. Y In the event that you go through Life without such incident, give thanks to God for His blessings and offer the item and its history to your children. Y

Marriage is unlike anything you might expect. It is sometimes thrilling. It is sometimes mundane. It will bring out the very best in you (better than you could have ever realized on your own.) It will bring out the very worst (again, more so than one ever feared.) It will make you feel safe. It will make you feel vulnerable. It can exceed your wildest expectations on the same day that it trips on the smallest of issues. It is celebrating finding your Soulmate while negotiating whether the toothpaste cap or bread ties are used to the very end or thrown away upon opening. Marriage is about meeting someone halfway and taking that same person all the way.

My prayer is that you will dream big, laugh often, love passionately, share everything… and that you can look back with fondness, look forward with confidence and live each day out with romance, respect and recognition of God’s favor and blessing for you to succeed as man and wife. And finally, Lucas, did I mention that “If Mama ain’t happy, nobody is happy?” Y

May this find your both your marriage and your thoughts blissfull.